untitled_waiting for the answer

Yesterday, I watched a program of BBC named Friedrich Nietzsche: human all too human. There is a sentence that Nietzsche wrote to Elizabeth when he decided to study philology instead of theology: “If you want achieve the peace of mind and happiness, have faith; if you want be a disciple of truth, then search”.  These word may change my life, for the reason that after two years of college life my ideal life become the peaceful one like a hermit, but I want pursue the truth. Thus, these words indicate that in my lifetime I should search the truth in order to become the disciple of it.

Taking to my ideal, it is that when I become old, I can live in a peaceful and beautiful place that rather close to the nature and read books, playing piano, guitar, and listen to the music everyday then, doing some research. That is my dream life at least now. But there is another me there, who are materialized, who want the luxuries, who love sports, love rock’n’roll, want to leave in a magnificent house located in the downtown. At this time, the contradiction emerges, which torched me and caused my inner turmoil. Maybe not so severe, but I am now under a situation that is rather agony. I cannot find a way out, the uncertainty of the future, the failures after my every effort. Maybe it is the juvenile normal emotion, and after years I could realize what I really want and what I should be. I want search the answers, want search the answers in philosophy, even if I do not have the talent it can not stop me from loving that for that is my own right.  

At the end the present wish of me is that I want go abroad to continue my study and to search for the answers. Hope I could achieve my goal.       


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