Something To do

Last week my friend told me that his qualification of becoming a pilot is withdraw for the reason that he got a gastric ulcer. I am surprised and I want to say something to comfort him but it is hard to express, so I promise him to send a letter to him. Then, I spend 3hrs writing a letter for him and expressed my opinion about life and failure and quoted the lyrics in LP’s new song Iridescent to him. The sentence is ‘Do you feel cold and lost in desperation/you build up hope but failure’s all you’ve known/Remember all the sadness and frustration/and let it go”. When I first heard this song it touched me, it arouses my feelings from the deep heart that I do experiences lots of failures these years and I almost want to give up, and it is so tired to fight for life. However, when I am fascinated by linkin park, I read their story of success that although they are gifted, they experienced a lot before they achieved popularity.  And that’s really inspired me to get up again to fight, fight and fight. Maybe we are the abandoned children of God as the words said in the Fight Club, but, what we can do is to fight destiny. It is a little bit hard for me because I am a half-pessimistic person and do not know whether we should believe God or not.

Many stuffs like these in my letter, and I described my feelings after every failure from the transfer test in Freshman year to last month’s TOEFL test which I did not tell anyone include my closest friends. After I entered University, I am more and more self-abased, feeling-closed and arrogant contradictory. Not one true friend I have got since then caused me nowhere to release my own feelings and no one to share my feelings no matter happiness or bitterness. Thus, after three years, I get used to this, get used to the solitary and do all the things by myself: eating, shopping, watching movies etc. And I can feel the precious moment that one can share your earphones when you listen to the music, maybe at that time I will cry.

The private thing I written in the letter prevent me from sending them. So I want apologize to him. And what I want write here is the thing that stored in my deep heart, the feelings that I want express but have no chance to do. I am easy to jealousy nowadays, and I don’t want that to happen. I want to taste the savor of success, want to hug by the accomplishment. And build up confidence in the future. That’s all, though there are still a lotta words want to say, it’s time for The Big Bang Theory LOL.

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